What Questions Should I Ask A Spiritual Director?

Choosing a spiritual director is not just about finding someone with the right training—it’s about finding someone who resonates with your journey. Someone whose presence invites trust, reflection, and the slow unfolding of your inner life.

Spiritual direction is a deeply personal relationship. It’s not always a perfect fit from the first conversation, and that’s okay. Each director brings their own background, presence, and way of listening. You’re not just looking for credentials—you’re looking for connection.

Before you begin reaching out, it can be helpful to pause and ask yourself a few clarifying questions. These aren’t requirements, but they’ll help you tune into what feels most supportive for you at this season of life.

Would I feel more at ease with a specific gendered director?
Do I want someone with a similar religious or spiritual background—or someone with a broader lens?
What is my budget, and how do I feel about investing in this kind of support?
Am I hoping to meet in person, or would online sessions work just as well?
What time of day would I be most open and grounded for this kind of work?

Having even a few of these answers can help you focus your search. For example, you may realize you’re looking for a woman with contemplative Christian roots who offers Zoom sessions in the evenings. That clarity can guide you toward someone who meets those practical needs—and perhaps much more.

Once you’ve narrowed your list and are ready to reach out, here are some meaningful questions to ask a potential spiritual director:

What kind of training or formation have you completed in spiritual direction?
(This helps you understand their background and approach.)
What are your own spiritual practices?
(A director who is grounded in their own practice can better accompany you in yours.)
Do you work with particular types of clients or specialize in any areas?
(Some directors feel called to work with people in faith transitions, or with clergy, or through somatic work or trauma-informed approaches.)
What does a typical session look like for you? How often do you meet with new clients?
Do you offer an agreement or covenant that outlines the relationship?
(This shows how they hold the container of the work.)

Ultimately, spiritual direction is a sacred relationship—but like all relationships, it takes a little time to discover if it's the right one. These questions are not a test—they’re a way to enter into the discernment process with care, clarity, and curiosity.

You’re not looking for someone to fix or lead you. You’re seeking a companion for the journey. Trust your intuition. Honor what your spirit is asking for. And when you find someone who makes space for your whole self to be seen, that’s a good sign you’ve found a place to begin.